For day 5 of National Poetry Month, a poem I have tried not to write. This time of year has certain resonances that I have struggled with in the past. This piece had to come out.

Standing

Years pass…I am proud to have come this far
Yet the ‘story’ still catches from time to time.
I try to tell myself that I am selective,
this is good – I no longer wave the experience like a flag.

In the same moment, I hesitate again
Substitute words for those I wish I trusted myself to say
That divine friendship was one of the greatest I have known
So why, then, do I stumble?

Perhaps because it’s in those moments
I recognise what I am doing
Somehow, I am living with the experience
That I thought would claim me, too.

It’s not enough, but it has to be
These irreducible anniversaries
Become ‘special’ days
Sharing the reason would set me back.

So, instead of sharing the sadness
I call to mind the moments
I will cherish for all time
Knowing, as I do…someday we’ll talk again.